Sunday, May 07, 2006
Body and Soul II
I wanted a baby very much, and a miscarriage gave me a melodramatic fear that I couldn't have one. When I did get past the first 3 months, I was happy, but then I began to worry about all the things that could go wrong. When the baby was born, I felt, for the first time, the presence of God. It was as if the air had become thick with this presence, and I thought to myself, in wonder and gratitude, God is present at my baby's birth. At that moment this presence seemed to say to me, Having a baby is a sacred trust. I have wondered ever since what that experience really did mean. Did it mean only that some kind of physical change had taken place inside me--some release of endorphins perhaps or a flood of hormones? Was I just imagining the whole thing? Do I now remember incorrrectly? Or was indeed God present that July evening in Waterbury Connecticut?